Neji's Sent to a Mental Institute
by Neji-Is-A-Caged-Bi-8D
Summary: Neji awakens in a mental institute, not remembering anything! OH NOES! What will he do? Why is he there? Is this the plot of millions of fan-girls? Is this the plot of the akatsuki, Orochimaru, or the Homunculi? Is Neji just crazy? READ TO FIND OUT!
1. Neji's in the Fluffy Room

-A Naruto and FMA fan-fic-

DISCLAIMER!! I don't own Naruto, for one thing. Naruto belongs to TV Tokyo and Masashi Kishimoto. I don't own FMA, either. FMA belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. Lastly, Akiko and Taxes belong to my friend. THANK YOU, AND ENJOY! Or at least try...

Neji looked around. He was in the middle of a room with padded walls wearing a strait jacket.

"Woah. Déjà vu…" Neji couldn't remember anything. Sure, he was weird, but a mental institute? ...Again?.

He struggled to free his arms. Running into the wall did absolutely nothing at all. Trying to bite off the jacket from his shoulder just made him look even more retarded than he usually did. And rolling on the floor was even more pointless than running into the wall and biting the jacket put together. After hours of struggling, screaming, and twitching, Neji fell to the floor. It was no use. No human force could break free of this jacket from Hell.

Neji sighed. A single hair fell in front of his face. Had this been anyone else, they wouldn't have cared. It was just one hair out of place. But, this is Neji we're talking about. It did NOT go well...

He screamed girlishly. But this was no ordinary girly-man scream. Oh no. This was a scream that could deafen millions, break a house of glass, and kill anyone within ten feet. It also broke the strait jacket, somehow.

After fixing his hair, Neji walked through the door, which was hanging by its hinges. He sneaked around the corner to find that the only people there had died because of Neji's scream.

Apologizing to all of the dead bodies as he walked by them, Neji snuck into a room with a big sign over the door that read 'FILE ROOM' with lights around the letters that were blinking. He wondered what the hell could be in that room.


	2. The File Room

He looked in these big metal boxes in the middle of the room. They looked a lot like file cabinets, but, why would there by FILE CABINETS in an old abandoned room? Well, anyway, the metal boxes had a whole bunch of paper in them that were sorted alphabetically. Neji was starting to think this might be some sort of…file room or something…

The files caught his attention right away. They were information on the different people that had been admitted. He began to pull files at random and sat down against the room to read them.

The first one was Naruto:

Name: Uzumaki, Naruto

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 4' 8"

D.O.B.: 10/10

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: 6

Affliction: Loudness, obsesses over phrase 'Believe it', stalks 'Sakura Haruno'.

Neji laughed. He knew Naruto bothered Sakura, but he never thought she'd do anything about it. He flipped to the next folder

Name: Haruno, Sakura

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 4' 11"

D.O.B.: 3/28

Gender: Unknown

Number of Previous Admittances: 7

Affliction: Bitchy attitude towards others, abnormally oversized forehead, stalks 'Sasuke Uchiha'

Neji laughed again. This was quite amusing.

Name: Uchiha, Sasuke

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 5' 0"

D.O.B.: 7/23

Gender: Unknown

Number of Previous Admittances: 2

Affliction: Being an emotionless, evil, uncaring bastard; attempted murder of 'Sakura Haruno' while laughing hysterically.

Neji was getting a kick out of this. He never knew his fellow villager…people…had so many problems.

Name: Inuzuka, Kiba

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 5' 5"

D.O.B.: 7/7

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Claims to be part dog, attempted murder of 'Elizabeth Scott' who he claims stalks him.

Neji never heard of Elizabeth Scott, but he didn't really care. Kiba, part dog? Neji's face was almost perfectly like this: X3

Name: Hyuuga, Hinata

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 4' 10"

D.O.B.: 12/27

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: 1

Affliction: Abnormally quiet, found taking out nearly 12 years of built up anger on a little child just outside of Konoha

Neji's face changed from X3 to: O.o. He never knew Hinata was THIS insane.

Name: Aburame, Shino

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 5' 1"

D.O.B.: 1/23

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: 3

Affliction: Obsesses over/talks to bugs.

Neji knew it. He always KNEW there was something mentally wrong with Shino.

Name: Akimichi, Choji

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 5' 2"

D.O.B.: 5/1

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Obsessive eating, talks to food before he eats it,

Neji knew Choji ate like a lion that hadn't been feed in years, but he didn't know Choji TALKED to his food...

Name: Nara, Shikamaru

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 5" 0"

D.O.B.: 9/22

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Nearly too lazy to be alive

Neji had no comment.

Name: Yamanaka, Ino

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 4' 11"

D.O.B.: 9/23

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Obsessive stalking of 'Sasuke Uchiha'

Yet again, Neji had no comment.

Name: Hatake, Kakashi

Current Age: 26

Current Height: 5' 11"

D.O.B.: 9/15

Gender: Unknown

Number of Previous Admittances: 5

Affliction: Porn addiction, killing of many kick ass Akatsuki members.

Neji wondered why Kakashi would be brought in for killing ninjas that were trying to destroy the village, but it didn't really matter. Nothing made sense anymore. He broke out of the fluffy room by screaming, found files in an old abandoned room, and couldn't remember ANYTHING.

Name: Sarutobi, Asuma

Current Age: 27

Current Height: 6' 3"

D.O.B.: 10/18

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Found smoking a whole pack of cigarettes at once. Smoke set off smoke alarm half a mile away.

Neji shook his head in shame. A sensei that was in the same village as him should at least be smart enough not to smoke a whole pack of smokes at once. Doesn't he realize how much that COSTS?

Name: Yuuhi, Kurenai

Current Age: 27

Current Height: 5' 7"

D.O.B.: 6/11

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Attempted suicide while claiming to be 'too normal'

Neji understood how she felt. Being one of the only normal people in a village of freaks...

Name: Maito, Gai

Current Age: 26

Current Height: 6" 0"

D.O.B.: 1/1

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: 3

Affliction: Obsession with youth, abnormally oversized eyebrows, hair is abnormally shiny.

Neji was ashamed to know his sensei. Well, more ashamed than he was before...if that was possible...

Name: Lee, Rock

Current Age: 13

Current Height: 5' 4"

D.O.B.: 11/27

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: 2

Affliction: Obsession with youth, abnormally oversized eyebrows, hair is abnormally shiny, obsesses over 'Gai Maito'

Neji was ashamed to know his team mate as much as his sensei.

Name: TenTen

Current age: 13

Current Height: 5' 1"

D.O.B.: 3/9

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Sharp, pointy object obsession; hair abnormally...abnormal...

Neji was furious. How dare they call TenTen abnormal?!

Name: Jiraiya

Current Age: 52

Current Height: 5' 11"

D.O.B.: 11/11

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: 5

Affliction: Perverted-ness

Neji had no comment.

Name: Ebisu

Current Age: 28

Current Height: ?

D.O.B.: 3/8

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Stalking of 'Konohamaru'.

Yet again, no comment from Neji.

Name: Tsunade

Current Age: 51

Current Height: 5' 4"

D.O.B.: ?

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: 4

Affliction: Gambling and alcohol addiction

Neji shook his head for, like, the fifth time. How could this be the ruler of the village?

Name: 'Sai'

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 5' 5"

D.O.B.: Unknown

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: 1

Affliction: Has no identity or emotions, fights by drawing, harasses little girls

Neji wondered when Sai had ever harassed any little girls...

Name: Sarutobi, Konohamaru

Current Age: 8

Current Height: 4' 3"

D.O.B.: 12/30

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Occasional stalking of 'Naruto Uzumaki'

It seemed as if everyone in Konoha was here. Neji flipped to the next file. It was Gaara's. _JEEZ! EVEN THE PEOPLE FROM THE SAND VILLAGE ARE HERE!_

Name: Gaara

Current Age:12

Current Height: 4' 10"

D.O.B.: 1/19

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: 9

Affliction: Psychopathic, obsessed will killing people

This didn't faze Neji at all. Everyone knew Gaara was a possessed psychopath.

Name: Kankurou

Current Age: 15

Current Height: 5' 4"

D.O.B.: 5/15

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Carries a doll on his back despite his age.

Neji sweat dropped. Usually, he would laugh at someone else's expense, but he was one of the few believers that Karasu(sp? ;) was not a doll.

Name: Temari

Current Age: 15

Current Height: 5" 0"

D.O.B.: 8/23

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Brothers driven her to insanity. She was found torturing 'Kankurou' by throwing his makeup and hat into a garbage disposal.

Neji's face was almost perfectly like this: O.O He knew Temari was dangerous and all, but JEEZ...

Name: Sakon

Current Age: 14

Current Height: 5' 1"

D.O.B.: 6/20

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Talks to himself saying he's talking to his 'brother'

Neji laughed. "What a freak! Don't you think, Linda?" Yeah. Neji was talking to his imaginary friend.

Name: Jirobo

Current Age: 14

Current Height: 6' 0"

D.O.B.: 6/28

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Tried to eat someone for screaming 'HOLY CRAP! HE'S FUCKING HUGE!'

Neji shivered. He didn't want to be eaten by an obese fourteen year-old.

Name: Tayuya

Current Age: 14

Current Height: 4' 10"

D.O.B.: 2/15

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Swears frequently, killed someone by beating them with her flute

_These people just keep getting weirder and weirder... _Neji thought.

Name: Kidomaru

Current Age: 14

Current Height: 5' 3"

D.O.B.: 12/14

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Claims to be Spiderman.

Neji was laughing his ass off.

Name: Kaguya, Kimimaro

Current Age: 15

Current Height: 5' 5"

D.O.B.: 6/15

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Kills people with ballet-like dancing

Neji was still laughing his ass off. (Sounds like Chris...)

"Who said that?" Neji looked around. (Me, dumbass...)

"Ah. It's just you..."

Name: Uchiha, Itachi

Current Age: 18

Current Height: 5' 9"

D.O.B.: 6/6

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Killed entire Uchiha clan

_They even have the akatsuki here?! _Neji thought. Well, as long as he got his own room he didn't care...

Name: Hoshigaki, Kisame

Current Age: 29

Current Height: 6' 3"

D.O.B.: 3/18

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Part fish, named sword

Neji laughed. "Freak..." He thought out loud. "What, Linda? HEY! I'M NOT INSANE, YOU'RE INSANE!!"

Name: Sasori

Current Age: 30-40

Current Height: 5' 4"

D.O.B.: Unknown

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: 1

Affliction: Psychopathic, made self into puppet, found torturing 'Rachel Baertsch' by whipping her sunburn.

Neji had never heard of Rachel Baertsch, either, but she must have been an annoying bitch. (HEY! BAD NEJI!)

"WHAT?! SHE DOES!"

Name: Deidara

Current Age: 16

Current Height: 5' 5"

D.O.B.: Unknown

Gender: (Claims to be) Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Gender-less, abnormal mouths on hands, makes bombs out of clay, obsesses over hair.

_This guy's hair could NOT be better than mine!_ Neji thought to himself gayish-ly. If you think about it, Neji's hair IS pretty...

Name: Kakuzu

Current Age: OLD.

Current Height: ?

D.O.B.: Unknown

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Anger issues, obsessed with money

Neji laughed. _His age is just 'old'...Ha ha...Stupid old guy, McDonalds is for albinos..._

Name: Hidan

Current Age: Unknown

Current Height:?

D.O.B.: Unknown

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Addicted to pain

Neji laughed for the, like, 16th time. _This guy is old, too. Maybe he's, like, a bajilion!_

Name: Zetsu

Current Age: Unknown

Current Height:?

D.O.B.: Unknown

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Cannibal in three ways, talks to self with two different voices

"SEE! I'M NOT AS CRAZY AS HIM!" Neji screamed at Linda.

Neji listened to Linda's response. "LINDA, YOU'RE NOT VERY NICE! Leonardo is a lot nicer! Speaking of Leonardo, I don't see why you two are getting married. You have nothing in common!"

Neji waited while Linda responded again. "REALLY?! Oh my god, congratulations! When's the baby due?"

Name: 'Tobi'

Current Age: Unknown, OLD.

Current Height: ?

D.O.B.: Unknown

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: A.D.D., mysterious behavior, possible M.P.D. (Multiple Personality Disorder)

"Ha. He's old, too..." Neji thought out loud.

Name: 'Pein'

Current Age: mid 20s-30s

Current Height: ?

D.O.B.: Unknown

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Claims to be God.

Neji had no comment.

Name: Konan

Current Age: mid 20's-30s

Current Height: ?

D.O.B.: Unknown

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Follows 'Pein' everywhere, claims him God

"There's no such thing as God, silly people! THERE IS DESTINY!" Neji stood proudly. There was a moment of silence. "Linda! Don't say that! There IS such thing as destiny!"

Name: Orochimaru

Current Age: 51

Current Height: 5' 8"

D.O.B.: 10/27

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Pedophile, Michael Jackson/Voldemort wannabe

Neji decided immediately to watch his ass at all times from now on.

Name: Yakushi, Kabuto

Current Age: 19

Current Height: 5' 9"

D.O.B.: 2/29

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Attempted murder of 'Kendra Pringle'

No comment

Name: Momochi, Zabuza

Current Age: 26

Current Height: 6' 0"

D.O.B.: 8/15

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Addiction to killing random people, kidnapped little 'boy'

Yet again, another reason for Neji to watch his ass.

Name: Haku

Current Age: 15

Current Height: 5' 1"

D.O.B.: 1/9

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Claims to be male

"Ha ha, stupid girl..." Neji shook his head and laughed. (HEY! Be nice, Neji!)

"Oh, shut up, stupid voices in my head!" (I need a name...)

"...Marco?" (Can I be Marco teh Youthful Unicorn?)

Neji sighed "Whatever..."

Name: Iruka

Current Age: 26

Current Height: 5' 10"

D.O.B.: 5/26

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Attempted murder of 'Naruto Uzumaki'

Though he didn't remember Iruka ever trying to kill Naruto, but Neji understood why he would. Naruto was ANNOYING.

Neji glanced at the last of the files quickly and realized he'd never even HEARD of any of these people...

Name: Elric, Edward

Current Age: 15

Current Height: 5' 5"

D.O.B.:?

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Attempted murder of a man who called him short

Neji scoffed. _5'5"?! This guy knows NOTHING of short..._

Name: Elric, Alphonse

Current Age: 14

Current Height: ?

D.O.B.:?

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Murder of 'Kendra Pringle'...twice...

Neji was confused. How could someone be murdered twice?

Name: Mustang, Roy

Current Age: 29

Current Height:?

D.O.B.:?

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Abnormal gay-ness, believes he can fly, is a player

Neji wanted to meet this guy. He wanted to know how to fly.

Name: Hawkeye, Riza

Current Age: 20 something

Current Height: ?

D.O.B.: ?

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Obsession over guns

No comment from Neji...

Name: Havoc, Jean

Current Age: 20 something

Current Height: ?

D.O.B: ?

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Severe smoking addiction

Yet again, no comment from Neji.

Name: Envy

Current Age: 696

Current Height: ?

D.O.B.: ?

Gender: None

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Having abnormally palm tree-ish hair.

Neji laughed. "Palm tree-ish hair..."

Name: Baertsch, Rachel

Current Age: 13

Current Height: 5' 9"

D.O.B.: 7/29

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Obsessed with spoons, thinks name is 'Vince', stalks 'Sasori' constantly.

"HOW DARE SHE?!" Neji screamed. "Her name can't be Vince! Vince got hit by a train!"

Neji was silent while listening to Linda's response.

"Well, I GUESS they could both have the same name, but-" Neji was interrupted by Linda.

"I DON'T WANNA SHUT UP!" Neji said.

Name: Pringle, Kendra.

Current Age: 13

Current Height: 5' 6"

D.O.B.: 6/18

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: 5

Affliction: Murder of 'Rachel Baertsch', stalk/ed 'Kabuto Yakushi','Kimimaro', 'Edward Elric', 'Sakon', 'Deidara','Kankurou' and 'Neji Hyuuga'.

"I remember her..." Neji grumbled. Linda said something.

Neji was shocked. "How can you NOT remember her?! She was annoying as hell!" Linda responded again.

"I guess Hell would be kind of annoying..."

Name: Olmstead, Marite

Current Age: 13

Current Height: 5' 7"

D.O.B.: 12/17

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Stalking of 'Itachi Uchiha'

This was one of the only people Neji thought didn't seem THAT bad...

Name: Scott, Elizabeth

Current Age: 13

Current Height: 5' 6"

D.O.B.: 6/16

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Stalking of 'Kiba Inuzuka' and 'Alphonse Elric', severe hearing impairment.

"..."

Name: Fogarty, Maddie

Current Age: 13

Current Height: 5' 0"

D.O.B.: 3/12

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: None

Affliction: Stalking of 'Hidan'

Neji now understood why Hidan tried to murder this Maddie person. After all, Neji himself tried to murder Kendra...but she just wouldn't DIE! He shuddered at the memory of that horrible incident.

Name: Koizumi, Akiko

Current Age: 18

Current Height: 5' 8"

D.O.B.: 5/13

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: 1

Affliction: Attempted murder of 'Rachel Baertsch', stalks 'Sasori' obsessively, swearing problem

"Do you have anything to say, Linda?" Linda said nothing.

Neji sweat dropped. "You suck. Where's Leonardo?" Linda responded.

"Well, when he's done with work, tell him to get over here. You're no fun to talk to!" (You could talk to me!)

"...NO..."

Name: Nakagaki, Junna

Current Age: 12

Current Height: 5' 3"

D.O.B.: 3/3

Gender: Female

Number of Previous Admittances: 2

Affliction: Constant stalking of 'Shikamaru Nara'

There was only one file left. "GOD, WHERE'S MY FILE?!" Neji screamed. "Oh, this one's mine..."

Name: Hyuuga, Neji

Current Age: 13

Current Height: 5' 2"

D.O.B.: 7/3

Gender: Male

Number of Previous Admittances: 3

Affliction: Obsession with destiny, thinks he is a caged bird, obsessed with his hair, attempted murder of 'Kendra Pringle, has imaginary friends, talks to voices in his head.

Neji would have been outraged, but he was all of a sudden very tired. He put back all of the files and fell to the floor, asleep.

.


	3. Kendra's Tour

Neji woke up the next day in a small bedroom with a girl hovering over him.

"HI, NEJI-CHAN!!" The girl screamed.

Neji fell off of the small, brick-like bed. "JEEZ! SCARE ME HALF TO DEATH, WOULD YOU!?"

"I just did" The girl smiled widely.

Neji sweat dropped. "Wait, I know you..." Neji's eyes went wide. "K-Kendra?"

The girl's smile got even wider. "YOU BET YOUR ASS, IT'S ME!"

Kendra was a very skinny girl and about 5' 6", 5' 7" maybe. Her dark brown hair was almost black and slightly messy. Freckles were spread across her pale face and her eyes almost matched her hair, they were just a little lighter.

Neji was still very confused. "Why are you in my room?"

"This is my room, silly! Well, it's _our_ room now, but it was mine first..."

"WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! _Our_ room?! What do you mean our room?!" Neji panicked.

"We're sharing a room, silly! You read all of the files, you know how many people are here! You didn't think you'd get your own room, did you?"

Neji hit his head against the wall repeatedly. "This can_not_ be happening..."

"Oh, it's happening Neji, IT'S HAPPENING!" Kendra laughed evilly.

Neji looked at Kendra and raised an eyebrow.

Kendra went back to her normal, retardedly happy self. "So! Time to give you the tour!" Kendra skipped out of the room merrily.

"WAIT! If this is our room, where are Linda and Leonardo going to sleep?" Neji asked innocently.

"They can sleep on the floor, can't they?" Kendra asked. Sadly, she knew everything about Neji and his imaginary friends.

"No! Linda's pregnant, she can't sleep on the floor!"

"OH!" Kendra turned in the direction that Linda was apparently in. "Congrats! When's it due?"

"SHE'S due in June!" Neji responded for Linda.

"Oh, that's when my birthday is! Who's the father? Neji?"

"No, not me, you retard! Leonardo! God, it's like you don't know anything..."

"Well, it could have been Vince, too!"

"Vince was hit by a train!"

"Oh, really! Aw, man! Vince was cool..." There was a moment of silence

"...Aren't you supposed to be giving me a tour?" Neji asked with one eyebrow raised.

"OH, YEAH!" Kendra jumped up off of her bed. "TO THE CAFETERIA!" Kendra skipped out of the room with Neji following her against his will.

As Kendra skipped down the hall, she waved to everyone that passed and said hello. However, Neji hid his face from anyone who tried to make eye contact, not wanting to be seen with this retarded person...thing...

"Here's the cafeteria!" Kendra said a minute or two later.

Neji looked around. The cafeteria was a lot like one of a high school, everyone gathered in certain groups, the food looked like crap, the tables and chairs looked cheap, and no matter where you were someone was glaring at you.

"We're expected to EAT here?" Neji cringed.

"Well, YEAH!" Kendra exclaimed. "What the hell else are we supposed to do in a cafeteria, arts and crafts?! OH! Speaking of arts and crafts, I'll show you the group therapy rooms!" Kendra skipped off again. Neji sighed, hung his head and followed.

Kendra showed Neji another room. The room was fairly large, but the only things in the room were chairs; lots and lots of chairs gathered in a circle in the middle of the room.

"This is the main therapy room!" Kendra shouted. "This is where we usually meet for therapy, but there a couple other rooms we meet in on occasion. I'll show you where those are..." Kendra dragged Neji along with her to the room next door.

This room looked EXACTLY like an elementary school art classroom. It had light brown tables that _looked_ like it was made of wood, but it was probably some sort of cheap-plasicy material. The tables also had blotches of paint and glue spots all over them. The walls were covered in retarded-like posters that spelled out safety rules in simple steps only a five year old would need to read.

"...What the fuck?" Neji said after he looked around the room. "What is this room for?"

"Arts and crafts, silly! Stupid Neji, McDonalds is for albinos!"

"...I'm a soccer mom?"

"Yes. Yes you are." Kendra smiled retardedly as Neji sweat dropped. "Now, there's one other room that we meet in to get our monthly project. TO THE OTHER ROOM!" Kendra grabbed Neji's arm and dragged him to the next room.

"Okay, is there some sort of school theme going on here?" Neji asked Kendra as he looked around the room.

Now, this room looked a lot like a classroom you'd find at an elementary school. Small desks with the chairs connected to them, a big desk in front, and a large chalkboard behind it.

"You know, that's the first thing I said when I first saw this place..." Kendra trailed off.

"Great. I'm in a mental institute that's has some sort of school-like theme, I have no friends, and now I'm like you. Can I just go back to my room now?"

"No friends, huh? I SHALL INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME OF MY FRIENDS!"

"Wait, no, I have SOME friend-" But Neji was too late. Kendra had already dragged Neji around a corner and into another room that looked almost exactly like Neji and Kendra's, only a little messier.

"RACHEL! MADDIE! MARITE! LIZZIE!" Kendra screamed at the top of her lungs, making Neji fall to the floor, clutching his head.

"Yes, Kendra?" Two girls said in unison.

The first girl was a redhead. Her hair made her look a little like Shirley Temple, but in a good way . She was kind of short, somewhere around 5' 0", and her eyes were blue-ish.

The second girl was Asian, Chinese, Japanese perhaps. Her hair was black and reached a little past her shoulders and her eyes were brown. She was a lot taller than the other girl, 5' 7" probably.

"Hi Maddie, Marite!" Kendra waved to them retardedly and they waved back.

"Hey, is that Neji?" The redhead asked.

"Yup" Kendra nodded and smiled.

"Hi, I'm Maddie," Maddie turned to Neji. "And, don't worry, you'll get used to her..."

"Sure I will..." Neji said sarcastically.

"And I'm Marite!" The other girl screamed in Neji's ear.

Neji's eye twitched.

Marite laughed. "Don't worry. It'll take a while, but you'll get used to us"

"Whatever..." Neji sighed. Now there were more people that were a lot like Kendra. Could this day get worse?

"So, Liz and Rachel still in their rooms?" Kendra asked Marite and Maddie.

"Yeah. I think they're still sleeping..." Marite said.

"Well, we'll just have to fix that!" Kendra grabbed Neji's arm. "See ya later, guys!"

Maddie and Marite waved to Kendra and Neji as they left.

"That poor soul..." Maddie mumbled to Marite as soon as they were out of earshot.

"Hey, Liz, you up?" Kendra called into the room next to Maddie and Marite's.

"Yeah..." The girl said from her bed, half asleep.

"Lizzie, get up! I must introduce you to Neji!"

"Fine..." Lizzie got up from her bed and stretched.

Liz was a little shorter than Kendra, she was probably about 5' 5". Her hair was light brown and curly and her eyes were . She wasn't pale, but she defiantly not tan.

"Hi, Lizzie!" Kendra shouted.

"Hi, Kendra!" Lizzie shouted back.

"Oh god..." Neji sighed.

"It's okay Neji! This is Lizzie!" Kendra pointed at Liz who waved at him, smiling retardedly.

"That's great, can we go now?"

"Sure! See ya later, Lizzie!" Kendra skipped away with Neji following her, shaking his head.

"Who does she share a room with?" Neji asked Kendra.

"A girl named Junna, I'll introduce you to her later!"

"Joy..."

They walked into the room across the hall from Liz's room. Instead of just walking into the room, Kendra actually knocked on the door.

"H-hello?" Haku asked timidly as he opened the door. Neji remembered reading about 'her' in the file room._ Poor girl..._

"Hi, Haku. Is Rachel there?" Kendra asked.

"Yeah. I'll get her for you..."

"Thanks, Haku!" Kendra smiled at 'her'. Kendra turned to Neji. "He's really a nice guy. Most people think he's a girl, though. It's sad..."

"And you know this how?" Neji knew he'd regret asking, but he wanted to know.

"You want him to prove it to you?" Kendra asked him.

"No, no. I believe you..."

"That's what I thought..." Kendra smirked.

The door opened and a girl that was about 5' 9" stepped out into the hallway. Her eyes were green-ish brown and out lined with her thickly rimmed glasses. She had light brown hair that was usually curly, but she straightened it that morning.

There was a moment of silence.

"MRAAAAA!" The two girls screamed loudly in unison.

Neji plugged his ears as they screamed.

"HI, RACHEL-SAN!" Kendra screamed.

"HI, KENDRA-SENPAI!" Rachel screamed back.

"THIS IS NEJI, RACHEL-SAN!" Kendra pointed to Neji who was still plugging his ears.

"THAT'S AMAZING, KENDRA-SENPAI!"

"WHY ARE WE SCREAMING, RACHEL-SAN?!"

"I DON'T KNOW, KENDRA-SENPAI!"

"WOO!" They screamed in unison.

"Okay, I need to bring Neji to Mr. Weaver's office, see ya later!" Kendra laughed and dragged Neji through a couple more hallways to a big office.

"Okay, Neji! This is Mr. Weaver's office! He's going to tell you the rules and stuff. Bye!" Kendra said quickly and shoved Neji through the door to the big office.


	4. Mr Weaver

Of course, to go along with the whole 'school' theme, the office looked almost exactly like a principal's office, a big desk i

Of course, to go along with the whole 'school' theme, the office looked almost exactly like a principal's office, a big desk in front of the room, a coat rack to the side, and two chairs facing the big desk. Neji felt a little sick to the stomach, another characteristic of a principal's office.

"HI!" The man at the desk screamed and Neji's eye twitched.

The man stood up. He looked about 6' 0" give or take an inch or two. His blue eyes were out lined with glasses, but one of his pupils was a totally different size than the other. He was rather skinny as well.

"I'm Mr. Weaver! I run the place and teach group therapy!" He smiled sort of like this: 8D.

Neji had to cover his eyes. Mr. Weaver just stepped into the sun and reflection off of Mr. Weaver's head was blinding him. "Hi. Neji Hyuuga." Neji shook hands with Mr. Weaver.

"Well, I might as well go over the rules for you before you leave..." Mr. Weaver sighed slightly. "Basically, don't kill anyone, don't attempt to eat anyone, no crazy parties, no food fights, and at least _try_ to tell someone before having a mental breakdown."

"…Fair enough..." Neji was a little scared to know that rules like 'don't attempt to eat anyone' were needed.

"Well, make sure not to miss group therapy at 4:00 tonight!" Mr. Weaver called to Neji as he left. "Group therapy is every other week-night from 4:00 to 6:00!"

"Joy..." Neji mumbled to himself. "At least I have that to look foreword to..."

Neji sulked all the way back to his room. He opened the door and was relieved to see that Kendra was nowhere to be seen. Lying down on his bed, Neji sighed. This placed SUCKED so far. Eventually, Neji fell into an uneasy sleep. .


	5. Group Therapy

Neji woke up at 3:30, and got ready to go to the Hell that is known as 'group therapy'. (You thought he was going to be late, you silly mortals!)

"SHUT UP, MARCO! NO THEY DIDN'T!" Neji shouted. He looked out the window to see someone staring at him. "What? I-it's the voices. They speak to me! REALLY!" Neji shouted at the poor innocent boy as he ran.

Neji opened the door to the therapy room warily. He was nervous. I mean this _was _his first time in therapy. The other times he had been sent to the mental institute he had been released right away...

"Hello, Neji! Come, sit down..." Mr. Weaver said.

Neji did as he was told. He sat down on one of the chairs in the circle next to, sadly, Kendra and Rachel.

"Now, we can begin," Mr. Weaver said and cleared his throat. "First of all, let's welcome our new member to our club of happiness! Everyone, say hello to Neji!"

A few mumbled words of welcome where heard along with the scream of 'WELCOME, NEJI!' from Kendra and Rachel.

"Good! Now, let's all introduce ourselves! Start by saying your name and, in your own words, what your problem is!" Mr. Weaver said preschool teacher-like. "Kendra, you start!"

"OKAY, MR. WEAVER!" Kendra said enthusiastically. She stood up and turned to Neji. "I'm Kendra Pringle and I have stalked about 6 people, and killed one or two people by talking to loud!" She smiled widely and sat back down.

"Okay, Kiba, you next..." Mr. Weaver pulled out a seventeen magazine and began to read while the cycle began.

Kiba stood up. "I am Kiba Inuzuka and I am part dog and have tried to murder Alphonse Elric," Kiba said simply and turned to Mr. Weaver.

After a moment, Mr. Weaver looked up at him. He sighed, threw Kiba a Scooby snack, and returned to his magazine.

Kiba smiled and sat down.

Next, Al stood up. "Yeah, okay, I'm Al Elric and I tried to kill Kiba, can I go home now?" Al turned to Mr. Weaver.

"No, Alphonse. Just sit down." Mr. Weaver mumbled.

Al mumbled something and sat down.

Itachi stood up. "I am Itachi Uchiha and I killed the Uchiha clan." He said with no emotion. He didn't even _blink_.

Everyone was silent. Kisame stood up quickly. "I'm Kisame Hoshigaki. Now, I'm not really crazy, okay?! The sword came with the name I didn't name her! And it's not my fault I was born part fish!" When no one said anything, he sat down sobbing into his hands. Itachi put his arm around him in an attempt to comfort him.

Pein stood up this time. "Hello, pathetic mortals. I am Pein and I am God." He said simply. "Anyone who says other wise may deal with my personal secretary, Konan." He pointed to Konan who waved shyly. Pein sat down. A couple people mumbled something. Konan shot them a death glare and they shut up.

Jean Havoc stood up coughing. "I'm- COUGH Jean Havoc. I have a _slight_ HACK! smoking problem-" He fell to the floor coughing. Everyone within three feet of him backed away as if he had a highly contagious disease.

"MY TURN!" Rachel jumped into the air. "I'm Vince-"

"I thought you were Rachel..." Neji interrupted her.

"No, that's just my nickname, silly!" Rachel smiled at him. "Now, as I was saying, I'm Vince and I love spoons and Sasori!" She sat back down, still smiling.

There was silence.

Mr. Weaver looked up from his magazine. "Elizabeth, it's your turn..."

"WHAT ABOUT PIE?!" Liz screamed.

"No, it's your turn!" Mr. Weaver shouted back.

"NO, I DON'T LIKE POTATOES IN MY ICECREAM!"

"IT IS YOUR TURN, ELIZABETH!" Everyone in the room shouted.

"Oh, ok!" She smiled. "I'm Elizabeth Scott. I'm here because I stalked Kiba and Al and I have a slight hearing problem" She sat back down.

Neji was getting extremely bored. He drifted off to sleep...

.

About an hour or so later, Neji woke up to everyone talking loudly. "Wha-? Is it over yet?"

"Well, kind of," Kendra was right next to him. Neji jumped a little before she continued. "Mr. Weaver ran off screaming something about a sale on lip gloss, so we're all just seeing if he comes back within an hour and a half..."

"So, can I go?" Neji asked sleepily.

"Sure, go ahead!" Kendra ran off to talk with her friends.

Neji left and walked to his room slowly. He didn't know if he could put up with anymore of this. Turning on the light in his room, he laid down his bed and fell asleep immediately.


	6. The Pointless Intro to the Project

.

ONE MONTH LATER

Dear diary,

A lot has changed in the past month. Everyone found out Haku was a boy...the hard way. And they found out that Sakon actually _does_ have a brother on his back. His name is Ukon and he's tolerable. He's not as bad as some people I know. CoughKendraCough

Therapy has been Hell, of course. I mean, I have to deal with Kendra and Rachel and all of their little friends through out the day, I shouldn't have to sit with them in therapy. Isn't therapy supposed to _help_ your problems, not cause more?

There are a couple more people I've met. One girl is Akiko Koizumi. She has brown hair that goes right past her shoulders and her bangs cover her left eye. Her seen eye is dull green. Though she comes from the sand village, she wears all black all the time. She's about 5' 8" and has katanas on her back. I swear, she's going to try and kill me someday soon. She has one bitch of a temper...

There's another girl, too. Her name is Junna. She's about 5' 4" and a lot nicer than Akiko. Her hair's light brown and she died the ends dark blue for some unknown reason. Around her eyes there's some sort of dark blue ring that matches her hair nicely.

Well, anyway, we get our monthly project today. Joy. I hope it's not something _completely _retarded...Well, it probably will be, but I'll live...I hope...

Neji put his diary under his bed so no one would find it and left for the monthly project room. As soon as he got there, he sat in his undersized desk patiently until Mr. Weaver entered the room.

"Hello, children!" Mr. Weaver said like a retardedly nice elementary school teacher.

"HELLO, MR. WEAVER!" Kendra and Rachel screamed as everyone else just mumbled.

"Well, today is the day you get your projects!" He smiled retardedly.

"YAY!" Rachel and Kendra shouted as everyone else mumbled again.

Mr. Weaver walked around the room handing out papers. "Your project for this month is to compete in a competition for a wonderful prize!"

"What's the prize?" Various people through out the room asked.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE PRIZE IS!" Kendra stood on her desk with one hand on her hip and the other in the air.

"YES!" Rachel stood next to her. "IT ONLY MATTERS THAT THE COMPETITION TEACHES US THE VALUES OF TEAMWORK!" There was an aoura of sparkles around the two girls.

There was a moment of silence. "So, what's the prize?" People began asking again.

"The prize is a cruise for the top teams!" Mr. Weaver smiled like this: 8D. Everyone started mumbling among themselves. Not many people had been anywhere outside of the institute in a while...

"But first, we need to make sure you're mentally capable of leaving the institute!" Mr. Weaver said. Everyone groaned, even Kendra and Rachel. This was going to actually be...challenging!

The test was just a written test, but it wasn't easy. It was full of those hard and pointless questions that you'll never ever use in your life. .

About an hour or two later, everyone had finished their test.

"Okay! Well, I'll see you here for group therapy tomorrow to tell you who passed!" Mr. Weaver gathered the tests and skipped out of the room.

"Well, that was pointless and lacked detail..." Neji said aloud. (HEY! I have slight writers block! X-T)

"Well, anyone could have done better than this!" (I'd like to see _you_ write something, Neji!)

"I could! And _I_ wouldn't have to talk to my characters in a pathetic attempt to make the story more interesting!" Neji stormed off towards his room.

He'd better have passed that test or this would have all been for nothing. (Well, of course you're going to pass the test! Why would I have written this if you weren't going to pass?)

"SHHH! You're not supposed to tell anyone what happens! Don't you know anything?!" (No...)

"Of course you don't, you're just the voices in my head..." (Why'd you ask then?)

"Shut up, Marco, and end the chapter..." (Fine, fine...)

So, Neji went right to sleep. He had nothing else to do, okay!? So...yeah...


	7. Results and Teams

Neji woke up early the next morning and began to pace his room. "Why am I so worried? It's just a test! It's not going to ruin my life if I don't pass!" (Well, you'll have no chance of winning the cruise if you don't pass...)

"NOT HELPING!" Neji shouted at the voices in his head. (I'm not tring to. And besides, I told you already that you pa- )

"MARCO, STOP GIVING IT AWAY! God, you're bad at writing..." (Shut up X-)

"NEJI, BE QUIET! I'M TRING TO SLEEP!" Kendra's shouted mumble came from under her pillow. Kendra had a slight temper when she was tired...and hungry...

"Yeah, yeah, just go to sleep, you pathetic excuse for a life form..." Neji said.

Kendra towered over him in her 5 and a half foot glory. Her eyes were completley black. She did _not_ look happy. "What did you say?" She growled menacingly.

"I-I said 'of course, Kendra!'" Neji laughed nervously and backed away into a corner.

"That's what I thought you said..." Kendra walked backwards to her bed, watching Neji the entire way. She went right to sleep as soon as she reached her bed.

Neji waited for a moment to make sure she was completley asleep. "Well...I'll remember not to wake up in the middle of the night and talk to the voices in my head loudly anymore..." He began to pick up trash he found on the ground around his room. Then, he organized the clothes in his waredrobe, made his bed, and began to vaccum. The reason I say 'began to vaccum' is because as soon as Neji turned on the vaccum, Kendra opened her eyes and hissed. Neji unplugged the vaccum and threw it out the window and Kendra went back to sleep.

Neji sighed, releived. Since he had nothing else to do, he decided to start to get in shape. There were probably going to be very difficult tasks in the competition, and since a certain voice in his head (That's me ) told him he was going to pass, he thought he might as well begin to train.

This was no ordinary training. No. This was brutal, intense training only a true man could handle.

"...1!" Neji fell to the floor after doing a whole push-up. See. Intense.

After doing a whole sit up, a crunch, a pull-up, and another push-up; Neji flopped down on his bed, exsausted. I'm sure all of you understand why. This was very brutal training, after all.

Neji looked at his watch. "OMG! It's time for group thera- Wait, when did I get a watch?" Neji ran out of the room.

He opened the group therapy project room slowly. Everyone turned their heads quickly towards Neji and glared at him.

"You're late..." Mr. Weaver said. He had almost the same expression Kendra did last night when Neji woke her up.

Neji looked around nervously as he walked to his desk. Everyone watched him like hawks until he finnally reached his desk.

"Okay! Time to tell you the results of your tests!" Mr. Weaver said in his regular, retarded voice.

Everyone was silent. They all wanted to pass really bad...

"Well, simply, you all passed!" Mr. Weaver smiled.

Everyone cheered. Now that that was over, they could get back to the real issue. KICKING EVERYONE'S ASS FOR THE SAKE OF A CRAPPY CRUISE!

"Okay, so, here are the details of the competition..." Mr. Weaver began. "The rules are the same as everyday. No killing or eating anyone, that kind of stuff. There will be eight teams, four boy teams and four girl teams. The top two girl teams and the top two boy teams are going to win the cruise!"

Mr. Weaver waited until everyone stopped cheering to continue. "The girls are going to be competing in a beauty contest-" All of the girls groaned. "And the boys will compete in a sports tournament!" Mr. Weaver shouted over the girls. "Everyday, starting next week, we're going to be meeting in this room for updates and times for portions of the competion!"

"So, we don't need to be here for the next week?"

"That's right!" Mr. Weaver said and tried to talk over the cheers. "Now, the boys, if they choose so, can also compete in the beauty contest as a team, and the girls may compete in the sports tournament as a team if they wish as well."

"WOAH! DID YOU SAY TEAMS?!" Akiko screamed. She wasn't much of a people person.

"Yes," Mr. Weaver said simply. "Your teams are posted outside the room, and you may check them on your way out-" Everyone stormed out of the room.

Everyone gathered in the hall around the bulliten:

_**The teams for the competition are as follows:**_

_**Girls:**_

__**Black Team:**

**Maddie F.**

**Marite O.**

**Akiko K.**

**Junna N.**

**Purple Team:**

**Kendra P.**

**Rachel B.**

**Elizabeth S.**

**Sakura H.**

**Red Team:**

**Hinata H.**

**Ino Y.**

**Tayuya **

**Teamari**

**TenTen**

**Green Team**

**Kurenai Y.**

**Tsunade**

**Riza H.**

**Konan**

_**Boys:**_

__**Blue Team:**

**Kankurou**

**Kiba I.**

**Shikamaru N.**

**Kabuto Y.**

**Sasori**

**Kakuzu**

**Tobi**

**Sai**

**Alphonse E.**

**Rock Lee**

**Pink Team:**

**Haku**

**Neji H.**

**Kimimaro**

**Sakon**

**Ukon**

**Itachi U.**

**Deidara**

**Hidan**

**Edward E.**

**Envy**

**Orange Team****:**

**Gaara**

**Naruto U.**

**Sasuke U.**

**Shino A.**

**Choji A.**

**Ebisu**

**Jirobo**

**Kidomaru**

**Konohamaru S.**

**Roy M.**

**Yellow Team:**

**Zabuza**

**Jiraiya**

**Asuma S.**

**Kakashi H.**

**Orochimaru**

**Kisame H.**

**Pein**

**Zetsu**

**Jean H.**

**Maito G.**

_**Teams are final and can not be changed. Be sure to meet in the project room everyday for updates.**_

Neji looked at his team. They weren't _that_ bad, at least he didn't have Kendra, Rachel, or any of their little friends. He didn't have Lee on his team, either. That was good...

Neji skipped to his room, relieved that he passed and that his team didn't completley suck. (But, you knew you-)

"Marco, shut up. Please?" (Fine...)

So, Neji trained some more since his team actually had a chance of winning the cruise. But, after doing a whole push-up, Neji collapsed and fell asleep imediatly. .

The next day, Neji woke up and realized how hungry he was. He hadn't eaten in days. So, for the first time in this story, Neji actually went to the cafeteria to get some lunch.

He grabbed at tray and got in the extremely long line. Almost everyone that was sitting at a table was staring at him as if he had just killed their parents. Mental insitute cafeterias were mean and nasty places.

"Hi there, Neji!" The caferteria guy greeted him with his british accent. He was about 5' 5" with light brown messy hair. He looked like your basic middle-class teenager.

"Hi, Milo. Paco here today, too?"

"HI!" Paco answered with an irish accent. Yeah, a guy named Paco has an irish accent. Deal with it. Anyway, Paco was a little skinnier than Milo and had glasses. They both had light brown hair but Paco looked a bit more like a geek, honestley.

"So, where have you been? You haven't eaten here in _days!_" Milo asked.

"I haven't been very hungry, I guess," Neji was actually talking like...like a human being!

"Oh. Well, it's good to see you!" Milo glopped the disgusting goop-like food on to the tray.

Neji's eyes widened.

"Sorry, all we have here is this disgusting high-school caferteria-like food..." Paco smiled and sweat dropped.

"That's okay..." Neji waved to Milo and Paco as he took his seat next to TenTen.

"Hi, Neji!" TenTen said in her annoyingly high pitched voice.

"Hi, TenTen," Neji stared at his food, which seemed to be bubbling slightly.

"So, where've you been? I haven't seen you for a couple days!"

Neji looked around under the table. "I haven't been very hungry, I guess. I've been in my room training a little, but mostly sleeping..."

"Well, at least you won't get mono!" TenTen smiled.

"Is that supposed to be an insult?" Neji asked while still looking under the table.

"No, why would it be?"

"Mono is commonly called the 'kissing disease', so..." Neji said like the know-it-all he thinks he is. "Ah!" He grabbed a straw that was under the table.

"OH! No, I thought you got it from lack of sleep-"

"It's okay, I get it," Neji laughed. He took the straw and poked the slop that was supposed to be food.

TenTen screamed and jumped about a foot or two away from the table as the 'food' exploded in Neji's face.

Neji wiped the food off of his eyes and blinked a couple times. "Well, this has been a great time and all, but I have to go take a shower before this 'food' burns my face off." He stood. "Toodles..."

He ran off to his room, wiping the shit they surved in caferterias off of his face. This place was Hell, how much longer was Neji going to have to live here? Weeks? Months? _Years?!_ No matter. Neji would live through it! HE WOULD!

Neji opened the door to his room. He took a shower and headed right to group therapy.


	8. A Therapy Free Week: Day One

The next day, Neji woke up and realized how hungry he was. He hadn't eaten in days. So, for the first time in this story, Neji actually went to the cafeteria to get some lunch.

He grabbed at tray and got in the extremely long line. Almost everyone that was sitting at a table was staring at him as if he had just killed their parents. Mental institute cafeterias were mean and nasty places.

"Hi there, Neji!" The cafeteria guy greeted him with his British accent. He was about 5' 5" with light brown messy hair. He looked like your basic middle-class teenager.

"Hi, Milo. Paco here today, too?"

"HI!" Paco answered with an Irish accent. Yeah, a guy named Paco has an Irish accent. Deal with it. Anyway, Paco was a little skinnier than Milo and had glasses. They both had light brown hair but Paco looked a bit more like a geek, honestly.

"So, where have you been? You haven't eaten here in _days!_" Milo asked.

"I haven't been very hungry, I guess," Neji was actually talking like...like a human being!

"Oh. Well, it's good to see you!" Milo glopped the disgusting goop-like food on to the tray.

Neji's eyes widened.

"Sorry, all we have here is this disgusting high-school cafeteria-like food..." Paco smiled and sweat dropped.

"That's okay..." Neji waved to Milo and Paco as he took his seat next to TenTen.

"Hi, Neji!" TenTen said in her annoyingly high-pitched voice.

"Hi, TenTen," Neji stared at his food, which seemed to be bubbling slightly.

"So, where've you been? I haven't seen you for a couple days!"

Neji looked around under the table. "I haven't been very hungry, I guess. I've been in my room training a little, but mostly sleeping..."

"Well, at least you won't get mono!" TenTen smiled.

"Is that supposed to be an insult?" Neji asked while still looking under the table.

"No, why would it be?"

"Mono is commonly called the 'kissing disease', so..." Neji said like the know-it-all he thinks he is. "Ah!" He grabbed a straw that was under the table.

"OH! No, I thought you got it from lack of sleep-"

"It's okay, I get it," Neji laughed. He took the straw and poked the slop that was supposed to be food.

TenTen screamed and jumped about a foot or two away from the table as the 'food' exploded in Neji's face.

Neji wiped the food off of his eyes and blinked a couple times. "Well, this has been a great time and all, but I have to go take a shower before this 'food' burns my face off." He stood. "Toodles..."

He ran off to his room, wiping the shit they served in cafeterias off of his face. This place was Hell, how much longer was Neji going to have to live here? Weeks? Months? _Years?!_ No matter. Neji would live through it! HE WOULD!

Neji opened the door to his room. He tripped, took a shower, tripped again, changed into his batman footie pajamas, tripped again, and crawled into his bed. Just as he was falling asleep, he fell off his bed, tripped on a bat, ran into the door, and fell to the ground. Neji thought it was over, but no. Then, a bookshelf fell on him, covering him in books.

Neji burst into tears. "I WANNA GO HOME!" (Aw, don't worry! Things will get better...)

"They'd better..." Neji just fell asleep where he was, preventing another accident... .


	9. A Therapy Free Week: Day Two

Neji got up the next morning and spent an hour on his hair. After his hair was picture perfect, Neji headed out for the cafeteria. The food may be crap, but Neji was hungry!

He walked through the line and greeted Milo and Paco.

"Hey, Neji, sorry about the food yesterday! We didn't know it'd explode..." Paco apologized.

"That's ok..." Neji smiled. He took his tray, which was covered in cafeteria shit, to the table where TenTen was sitting.

"Hi, Neji! Are you okay?"

"Hi, TenTen. Yeah, I got the food off of my face before it was permanently damaged..."

"It's too late for that, Neji!" Kendra came running to the table with Rachel and Lizzie.

"OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?!" Neji asked TenTen, wide eyed.

"I told them they could sit with us!" TenTen smiled.

"Yup!" Rachel smiled.

"I DON'T LIKE CRAB CAKES!" Lizzie shouted.

"No one said anything about crab cakes, Lizzie!" Kendra said loudly and slowly so Liz could understand her.

"OH! A PARTY?! CAN I COME!?" Lizzie asked with sparkles in her eyes.

"No, there's no party, Lizzie!" Rachel said loudly and slowly as Kendra did.

"OH EMM GEE! THE BACKSTREET BOYS!? WHERE?!" She looked around spastically.

"WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP?!" Neji screamed over the three girls.

"Neji, there's no need to shout, we're all right here..." Lizzie said. Neji's eye twitched.

"So, what the hell are they serving in the cafeteria today?" Kendra asked looking at Neji's tray.

The purple colored 'food' on Neji's tray seemed to be moving slowly off of Neji's tray. "No one knows...no one WANTS to know..."

Kendra pulled a straw out of her pocket.

Neji stared at her. "...You carry straws with you?"

"Yeah, doesn't everyone?" Kendra cocked (Shut up, Marite -X) her head to the side.

"...No..." Neji blinked.

"Oh..." Kendra tried to poke the 'food' but Neji stopped her.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THE LAST TIME I DID THAT THE FOOD EXPLODED IN MY FACE-" Neji screamed as the 'food' jumped onto his face. He ran around the cafeteria screaming for a minute or two then ran to the parking lot just outside the institute.

Neji took the food and let it outside, so it could be free and live with it's own kind...but it was hit by a car. He then ran inside, because, with his luck, the car would somehow hit him, too.

He went back to his room to take a shower before the poison in the 'food' spread, infected him, and killed him slowly from within. Boy, Neji has such a wonderful out take on life, doesn't he?

After he took a shower and got a minor concussion, Neji limped to his bed. The bed actually seemed...comfortable! He didn't know why, but it did. So, Neji drifted off to sleep peacefully, something he hadn't been able to do in a long time. Then, all of a sudden, the bed collapsed and crashed through the floor. Sadly, the room below Neji's was the basement, which was covered in spiders and other bugs.

Neji sighed. "Has it gotten better yet, Marco?" (No, not yet...)

"It will soon, right?" (Yup -X)

"Okay, that's good..." Neji fell asleep hours later. You see, he has an extreme fear of spiders... .


	10. A Therapy Free Week: Day Three

Neji awoke and climbed his way out of the basement the next morning. He had to spend an EXTRA hour on his hair this morning because the basement was so disgusting.

Neji was stupid enough to go to the cafeteria once again and attempt at finding food.

"Hey, sorry again about your food! I don't know why you get all of the bad stuff..." Paco smiled and sweat dropped.

"Yeah..." Neji smiled a little and walked off to his table looking irritated.

"HI, NEJI!" Kendra, Rachel, Lizzie, Marite, Maddie, and TenTen shouted together.

"Oh joy, now I have a head ache..." Neji sat down.

"Oh, cheer up, Neji! Today they have Bosco Stix!" Kendra smiled and took a bite of one of the Bosco Stix on her tray.

For all of you who don't know what Bosco Stix are, they're bread sticks filled with mozzarella cheese. They usually have a little container of marinara sauce with them, too.

Neji stared at the Bosco Stix on his tray. They were slightly burnt and one of them had a small spot on it that looked like mold. "Thaaaaaaaaaat's wonderful..." He threw the moldy Bosco Stix behind him, which apparently hit someone on the head because someone screamed 'OW! I WAS JUST HIT IN THE HEAD BY BOSCO STIX!'. Neji took the little container of marinara sauce and opened it. His eye twitched.

"What is it NOW, Neji?" TenTen was beginning to become irritated by all of this nonsense. (Whoa. I think that's more big words than I usually use in a year...)

Neji took the clear container and tipped it upside down. The sauce didn't move. It was a frozen blob of disgusting and moldy old sauce.

"Holy shit..." Everyone backed away from the table slowly.

Neji threw the sauce at the nearest person and stormed off to his room. What did a guy have to do to get a meal around here?! He thought about that for a moment... He didn't want an answer anymore.

He opened the door to his room and sighed. His stomach growled. _God dammit, I'm hungry... _He thought as he walked up to Kendra, who was standing in the middle of the room. Something about the room was different...

"HI, NEJI!" Kendra smiled.

"Uhm...Hi..." Neji looked behind Kendra. (PERVERTS! Yes, Marite, this means you -X) Where the hole in the floor used to be, there was a new King sized bed. "Did you buy this?"

"Yup!" Kendra smiled.

Neji was in shock. Kendra had actually done something that didn't make Neji want to kill himself! "Uhm...Thank you..." Neji blinked.

"Your welcome!" Kendra pulled out a remote from her pocket.

"WOAH!" Neji's eyes went wide. "What's the remote for?"

"Just lay down on the bed!" Kendra smiled. Neji blinked.

Kendra sweat dropped and sighed. She walked to the other side of the room. "There. Happy?"

"Very..." Neji lay down on the bed.

"Okay! Let's see what the green button does..." Kendra pressed the green button on the remote.

Neji braced himself. He was expecting the bed to, like, explode or something. Instead, the bed began to vibrate. (Marite -X) "OH MY GOD! I DIDN'T DIE!"

"Let's see what the red button that says 'DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON, YOU MORON. THIS MEANS YOU, KENDRA' does..."

Neji sighed as Kendra pressed the button. The bed folded in half and fell through the floor.

Kendra ran to see if Neji was ok. "I'll fix the floor!" She shouted to him.

Neji mumbled something that Kendra apparently understood.

"You can use my bed, I'll sleep on the floor!" She smiled.

So, later that night, Kendra fixed the floor and slept where Neji's bed used to be. She looked a lot more peaceful when she was sleeping.

_Maybe she's not so bad after all..._ Neji thought...

He burst out laughing. "Yeah, right!"

"Shush!" Kendra growled, not even opening her eyes.

Neji went right to sleep. .


	11. A Therapy Free Week: Day Four

Neji actually got a good night sleep. He yawned and stretched. A little blue bird flew in the window and landed on Neji's hand. Neji laughed and smiled at the cute little bird. Before either of them knew it, the bird was a pile of ashes on Neji's finger.

Kendra was sitting up. Her hair was an absolute mess and there were bags under her eyes, which were glowing red. She looked like she hadn't slept in days.

"Y-you didn't sleep very well, I-I'm guessing?" Neji backed away from Kendra, who was growling quietly.

Kendra turned to Neji. "No, I slept very well! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A QUESTION WAS THAT?!" Her eye began to twitch and she was foaming at the mouth.

Neji hid behind his pillow.

"I'm going to the cafeteria..." Kendra began to mumble to herself as she left the room.

As soon as Kendra was gone, Neji got up to get ready for the day.

About an hour or two later Neji walked to the cafeteria. Maybe they had something good to eat today...

As Neji walked down the hall, Kiba ran up to him. "NEJI! DON'T GO TO THE CAFETERIA!" Kiba looked really shook up.

"Why not...?" Neji was scared. Maybe Kendra had tried to eat everyone...

"T-the cafeteria...they're serving coffee..." Kiba trailed off.

"...So?"

Kiba looked up at Neji. "The fan girls got a hold of the coffee."

There was a loud squeal coming from the end of the hall. Kiba and Neji looked up to see Kendra and Rachel standing at the end of the hall.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT'S NEJI AND KIBA!" The both screamed at the same time. Kiba and Neji ran as fast as their short legs could carry them.

Once they couldn't hear Kendra or Rachel, Neji and Kiba collapsed.

"HI!" Kendra was inches from Neji's face.

"OH MY GOD!" Neji jumped about three feet away from her and Kiba was nowhere to be seen. "Where-? And- But-?"

"I LIKE COFFEE! IT WAKES YOU RIGHT UP!" Kendra smiled so widely it seemed her face was going to fall off or, like, explode or something.

"...Okay..." Neji didn't know what to say. He was scared out of his mind. Kendra could be dangerous if he said anything wrong. Neji remembered what fan-girls around Konoha used to do to Sasuke... He shuddered.

"WHAT'S WRONG, NEJI?! ARE YOU OKAY?! I'M OKAY!"

"I-I'm fine...could I go back to my room now?" Neji smiled nervously.

Kendra's smile dropped. "What?"

"Uhm...I just want to go to my room..." Neji backed away from Kendra. It was all over, he was sure of it.

Kendra was silent for a minute. "Oh, okay!" She skipped down the hall, leaving Neji alone and scared.

Neji walked back to his room shakily, turning his head in every direction and the faintest noise. Some how, Neji made it back to his room in one piece. He sighed in relief and opened the door to his room.

Kendra was lying there in the middle of the floor, passed out. Neji walked around her to the bathroom. He took a shower, tripped, styled his hair, tripped, stuff like that.

One...two...maybe five hours later, Neji crawled into his bed and began to read some manga and get a good night sleep. Of course, this didn't happen because Kendra was talking in her sleep. Most people when they talk in their sleep, they just mumble, right? Well, not Kendra. She was screaming random shit such as 'OMFG! IT'S THE MONKEYS! NO! DON'T KILL ME, KILL THE BANANAS! IT WAS THEY! THEY TOOK YOU TO THE DENTIST!'

So, once again, Neji got almost no sleep and was absolutely starving. .


	12. A Therapy Free Week: Day Five

Kendra yawned and stretched. "Good morning, Neji!"

Neji's eye twitched. "I'm glad _you_ slept well..."

"Thank you!" Kendra smiled. "Hey, are you still hungry? I heard they were serving tater tots in the caf-!"

Neji had all ready left. He loved tater tots and, I mean, who DOESN'T love tater tots?

Once he reached the cafeteria, Neji immediately ran to the front of the line.

"HEY! YOU CAN'T CUT INFRONT OF ME! I AM GOD!" Pein shouted.

Neji turned his head toward Pein slowly and hissed.

Pein gasped. "How dare you hiss at God?!"

"I. Want. My. Tater Tots." Neji's eyes were glowing red.

"Well, I am God. I get my tater tots first!" Pein stuck his tongue out at Neji in an immature kindergartener kind of way.

Neji began growling at Pein. "No. I get my tater tots NOW."

Pein gasped again. "HOW DARE YOU DENY GOD HIS TATER TOTS?!"

There was a moment of silence. All of a sudden, Neji and Pein broke out into a slap fight. Yes. A sissy slap fight.

Of course, it only took about two seconds for Neji to win. Pein tripped over a pebble of some sort, causing everyone behind him to fall like dominos.

"Ha. That's what you get for making me wait for my tater tots." Neji flipped his hair and walked up to get his food.

"Hey, Neji-" Paco started.

"No. No talking. Just give me some tater tots." Neji looked WAY too serious. Milo gave him some tater tots and Neji looked up to the ceiling. "Thank you, God, for this wonderful food that is made of potatoes." (Neji, you're a little TOO obsessed with tater tots...)

"Hey, I haven't eaten in a week!" Neji talked back to the voice in his head.

Milo and Paco looked at him, eyes wide with fear.

"Oh! Yeah, I was just talking to the voice in my head. His name is Marco!" (HER!)

"Her? Really?" Neji talked as Milo and Paco backed away from him slowly. (Yeah! I don't sound like a guy, do I? Panicking)

"Not really, but Marco is a guy's-. Never mind. I'm going to go and eat some tater tots..." Neji walked to his usual table with TenTen and those peoples.

"Hi Ne-!" TenTen started but Neji shushed her.

"I want to eat. That's all..." Neji devoured the tater tots, along with the tray, in under a second. Everyone stared. "What? I'm hungry!" Neji looked at TenTen and pointed at her tray. "You gonna eat that?"

"N-no..." TenTen handed him the tray.

Neji ate almost everyone at that table's food...and tray...

"Well, I'm going to go back to my room now, good bye everyone!" Neji skipped off to his room. He was actually...happy! (See! Everything got better!)

"Yes, yes it did!" Neji smiled. He had survived not eating for a week. Now it was just two days of therapy free relaxing... .


	13. A Therapy Free Week: Day Six

Neji slept the entire next day

Neji slept the entire next day. THE END...of the chapter... .


	14. A Therapy Free Week: Day Seven

Neji woke up the next morning. Since he wasn't hungry, he didn't know what he was going to do. (MACRAME!)

"...What the fuck is a macramé?" (It's a kind of bracelet and necklace making!)

Neji had nothing better to do, so he began to make some macramé bracelets.

About an hour or so later, Maddie and Marite walked into Neji's room. They stared at him. He was covered in colorful bracelets and necklaces; he had them on his wrists, his ankles, his arms, his neck, and my god, even his hair was striped with the gay rainbow bracelets!

"...What are you doing here?" Neji blinked up at them.

"Kendra, Rachel, and Lizzie are coming in a minute. What the hell are you doing?" Maddie asked.

"Macramé! Would you like to join me?" Neji smiled up at them.

"Uhm, no thank you. Why are you doing macramé?"

"The voices in my head told me to!" Neji smiled at them.

The two girls ran.

Kendra, Rachel and Lizzie came in. "Why did they- OMG! MACRAME!" They all ran up to Neji and began to make some bracelets and braid each other's hair. .

Neji and the girls were all gathered around the small TV set in the room, crying and eating popcorn.

"NO! RODRICK! SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!" Yes. Ladies and gentlemen (and Chris), that was Neji. Apparently, some guy named Roderick was fighting with his wife, Lisa. She apparently cheated in him with some Mexican wrestler dude named Jose.

"NO! NOT THE ELEVATOR SHAFT! WHY, LISA, WHY!?" Neji cried. Kendra comforted him. Lisa just shoved Roderick down the elevator shaft.

Rachel turned the TV off. "That's enough of that crap..."

"OH TEH NOES!" Neji shouted. "NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW IF RODRICK LIVES!"

Before anyone could hit Neji with a frying pan, there was yelling coming from the hall right outside

Neji and the girls looked out the door to see who was yelling.

"OKAY, I'LL ASK ONE MORE TIME! WHO THE HELL STOLE MY POKEMON CARDS?!" Sasori was standing in the middle of the hall. He looked really pissed.

The four of them burst out laughing.

"HEY! IT'S NOT FUNNY! THEY WERE REALLY EXPENSIVE! I JUST BOUGHT THEM ON EBAY!" Sasori shouted at them. This only made them laugh harder.

"Oh, Sassy!" Deidara said in a singsong voice, appearing out of nowhere. He was holding the cards in front of his face.

"You..." Sasori growled and began chasing Deidara in circles. Neji, Kendra, Rachel and Lizzie dropped to the floor, laughing even harder.

Deidara tripped and Sasori took the cards. "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"Hey, you took my Hannah Montana doll, this was just payback!" The group of four couldn't breathe. They were laughing WAY too hard. "It's not like I wasn't going to give them back! YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Deidara ran off crying gayish-ly.

As Sasori ran after Deidara, Neji and the girls laughed so hard they were crying. It took a couple minutes, but they stopped laughing, got up and sighed.

"God, that's one of the only times I've laughed in YEARS!" Neji said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"I didn't even know you knew how to laugh, honestly!" Rachel said. Kendra and Lizzie laughed, but Neji sweat dropped.

"And you just ruined it. Thanks a lot. Bye now," Neji went back into his room and locked the door.

"Hey! This is my room, too!" Kendra shouted through the door.

Neji ignored her. He turned off all of the lights, shut all of the windows and turned on the TV. Blocking out the three girls' screaming, he watched the soap opera intently. This was going to be a long night... .


	15. Sport Sign Up

Neji woke up in front of the TV the next morning. He was tempted to keep watching the retarded soap opera, which apparently went on forever, but he was hungry.

After walking to his closet, Neji pulled out two of those jacket...vest...things he always wears.

"Which should I wear?" He asked Linda, though both of the jacket things looked EXACTLY THE SAME.

He put one of the retarded jacket-vests on and walked to the cafeteria.

As Neji got to the front of the line, Paco was jumping up and down in excitement. "OH MY GOD! NEJI, GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT! COME ON GUESS! GUESS! GUESS-"

"WHAT?!" Neji was getting irritated.

"We have edible food today," Paco's face was almost perfectly like this: -.

"Whoa," Neji was actually stunned. Apparently, the food in the morning was a lot more edible than the food in the after noon.

Neji's tray was filled with pancakes, French toast, waffles, bacon, and toast. He sat down at his usual spot, but TenTen wasn't there.

Kendra glared at Neji.

"...What's her problem?" Neji asked Rachel, who was sitting right next to Kendra.

"She didn't get enough sleep since you wouldn't let us back into the room last night..." Rachel sighed.

"Wonderful..." Neji sighed. At least he was going to be able to eat some actual food...

"Give." Kendra growled.

"What?" Neji asked.

"Your food. Give. Now." Kendra's eyes were starting to glow red.

"You heard her, give her the damn food!" Rachel yelled with a hint of panic in her voice.

Neji gave Kendra his tray. As Kendra was eating, Neji sighed and left the table. .

Neji was reading as Kendra barged in the room. "Neji! Time for group-! Hey! What are you reading?" Kendra asked curiously.

"The bible..." Neji mumbled, not even looking up at her.

Kendra just stared at him.

"It's the Bible of Destiny..." Neji mumbled.

Kendra laughed. "Of course..."

"What's YOUR religion?" Neji asked defensively.

"Don't have one..." Kendra shrugged.

Neji was all of a sudden right in front of her. "I could teach you about destiny!" He was smiling. Weird, right?

She laughed and shook her head. "Sure, but after group therapy, okay?"

They walked down the hall to the room in silence.

"Welcome back, children!" Mr. Weaver greeted them all as group therapy began.

There were a few mumbled hellos and an 'IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK, MR. WEAVER!' from Kendra and Rachel.

"Now, today you're going to be signing up for the sports you're going to participate in for the tournament!" Mr. Weaver said, pausing to see if anyone would cheer. There was silence. "...Yeah. So, get into your groups and pick eight sports to participate in!" He sat down as everyone dispersed (Since when did I start using such big words?) thought out the room.

"Okay, so what are the choices?" Neji asked no on in general. He looked down at his list and began to list off the sports. "Basketball, baseball, tennis, soccer, synchronized swimming, mini golf, hockey, pool, croquet, bowling, football, and ping-pong..." Neji looked up at his group, which filled with girly-men.

"No basketball, I don't wanna be stepped on..." Haku said shyly.

Neji crossed basketball off the list. He wasn't a big fan of basketball either...

"Soccer and hockey are fuckin' gay!" Hidan stood up and screamed, causing the room to go silent for a moment.

"...And synchronized swimming isn't?" Neji raised an eyebrow.

"Fuck you! I'm great at synchronized swimming, you bastard!" Hidan glared at Neji and sat back down.

Soccer and hockey were crossed off the list.

"No baseball!" Deidara's eyes were wide. "I'm gonna get hit by a bat, I just know it!"

Neji hesitated a moment, but then crossed baseball off the list.

"Football is scary! I might break a nail!" Envy screeched. "...Or a hip, for that matter. It may not look like it, but I'm not as young as I used to be..."

Neji shook his head, but crossed football off the list just the same.

"Okay, what do we have so far?" Sakon asked.

Neji looked down at the list. "Uhm...tennis, synchronized swimming, mini golf, pool, croquet, bowling, pool, and ping-pong..."

Murmurs of agreement spread through out the group. Yes, my friends. The pink team chose the gayest sports available to them, and they were proud, dammit.

Everyone turned in their sign-up sheets and left the therapy room. Neji was tired and needed a good night sleep... .


	16. Golfing

Neji was reading as Kendra barged in the room. "Neji! Time for group-! Hey! What are you reading?" Kendra asked curiously.

"The bible..." Neji mumbled, not even looking up at her.

Kendra just stared at him.

"It's the Bible of Destiny..." Neji mumbled.

Kendra laughed. "Of course..."

"What's YOUR religion?" Neji asked defensively.

"Don't have one..." Kendra shrugged.

Neji was all of a sudden right in front of her. "I could teach you about destiny!" He was smiling. Weird, right?

She laughed and shook her head. "Sure, but after group therapy, okay?"

They walked down the hall to the room in silence.

"Welcome back, children!" Mr. Weaver greeted them all as group therapy began.

There were a few mumbled hellos and an 'IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK, MR. WEAVER!' from Kendra and Rachel.

"Now, today you're going to be signing up for the sports you're going to participate in for the tournament!" Mr. Weaver said, pausing to see if anyone would cheer. There was silence. "...Yeah. So, get into your groups and pick eight sports to participate in!" He sat down as everyone dispersed (Since when did I start using such big words?) thought out the room.

"Okay, so what are the choices?" Neji asked no on in general. He looked down at his list and began to list off the sports. "Basketball, baseball, tennis, soccer, synchronized swimming, mini golf, hockey, pool, croquet, bowling, football, and ping-pong..." Neji looked up at his group, which filled with girly-men.

"No basketball, I don't wanna be stepped on..." Haku said shyly.

Neji crossed basketball off the list. He wasn't a big fan of basketball either...

"Soccer and hockey are fuckin' gay!" Hidan stood up and screamed, causing the room to go silent for a moment.

"...And synchronized swimming isn't?" Neji raised an eyebrow.

"Fuck you! I'm great at synchronized swimming, you bastard!" Hidan glared at Neji and sat back down.

Soccer and hockey were crossed off the list.

"No baseball!" Deidara's eyes were wide. "I'm gonna get hit by a bat, I just know it!"

Neji hesitated a moment, but then crossed baseball off the list.

"Football is scary! I might break a nail!" Envy screeched. "...Or a hip, for that matter. It may not look like it, but I'm not as young as I used to be..."

Neji shook his head, but crossed football off the list just the same.

"Okay, what do we have so far?" Sakon asked.

Neji looked down at the list. "Uhm...tennis, synchronized swimming, mini golf, pool, croquet, bowling, pool, and ping-pong..."

Murmurs of agreement spread through out the group. Yes, my friends. The pink team chose the gayest sports available to them, and they were proud, dammit.

Everyone turned in their sign-up sheets and left the therapy room. Neji was tired and needed a good night sleep... ~. ~

"Okay, what are the eight commandments again?" Kendra was totally confused. You see, Neji was teaching her the religion of 'The Children of Destiny', not to be confused with 'Destiny's child', which was a favorite band of Neji's.

Neji sighed. "Okay, I'll read them off to you...AGAIN:

The First Commandment: Destiny controls thou, bitch.

The Second Commandment: Defy destiny and thou is fucking screwed

The Third Commandment: Thou is a bird...a short bird...a short bird in a cage.

The Fourth Commandment: Thou shall worship the Cheetah Girls, it is thous destiny

The Fifth Commandment: Thous shall use L'oreal, because thou is worth it

The Sixth Commandment: Thou shall wear a man-skirt at the age of sixteen.

The Seventh Commandment: Thou shall bitch about how life sucks and blame it on destiny.

The Eight Commandment: Thou shall lecture random people on how they are failures and how it is their destiny to suck." Neji finished. Kendra blinked at him, obviously confused. "Well, obviously the man-skirt thing doesn't apply to you, but you get the point. So, you think you got it?"

"Destiny controls us and it's to blame for all our problems?" Kendra tilted her head to the side.

"...That, and L'oreal makes your hair really shiny!" Neji smiled and stroked his hair.

"Ah..." Kendra said, taking notes.

Rachel burst in the room. "Come on, guys! Time for group therapy!"

"Already? It's only ten!" Neji asked, panicking slightly.

"We have it early today so we can start the tournament, remember?" Kendra got up and dragged Neji along to the therapy room. ~. ~

"Okay, children! Today we start the tournament!" Mr. Weaver paused for cheering...though Kendra and Rachel were the only ones cheering... "Okay, today's sport is..." There was a drum roll. "Mini golf!" He did the 8D face and Kendra and Rachel began cheering.

There was another moment of silence as the two girls' cheering faded.

Mr. Weaver scowled. "Fine. Screw you people." He turned to leave. "OH! I almost forgot!" He turned back to them, excited and happy again. "This is my new assistant!" He pointed to the man next to him. He had sort of...puffy hair, if you will. Sort of like an afro, just not as...you know...tall and intimidating. He was somewhere around Mr. Weaver's height and was wearing a stylish jacket.

The man put an hand on his hip and smiled. "Like, hi! I'm--"

"Claudio Banditoman the 72nd!" Mr. Weaver interrupted him and laughed nervously.

He blinked innocently. "Actually, my name is--"

Mr. Weaver turned his head slowly to face 'Claudio'. "I SAID, your name is Claudio Banditoman the 72nd," His eye twitched.

"'Kay." Claudio took a step back, his eyes wide with fear.

"So! Anyone have any questions?!" Mr. Weaver asked, smiling innocently.

There was an awkward silence. "Are you gay?" A voice blurted out randomly.

"...Okay. Yeah. Everyone who signed up for mini golf, follow me." Mr. Weaver sighed. "Why didn't I listen to my mother and become a lawyer?"

A surprisingly large group of people followed Mr. Weaver out to the mini golf course. Conveniently, the course was right behind the mental institute.

(FGHKFDHGHSGWATCHDJDFKHGDFHNARUTODFKJHDFJGHABRIDGEDKJDFLJGSDFSERIESJDKJFT!)

Neji scowled at the voices in his head. "Marco, no subliminal messaging!" (Whatever are you talking about? Watch the Naruto Abridged Series on YouTube. It kicks ass.)

Neji shook his head. "You're terrible..." People were staring at him, wondering if they should tell him they were going on without him or leave him behind. They decided to tap him on the shoulder, not wanting to endanger their friends that were still in the institute. They had no idea what would happen if he was left alone.

"Okay, kids! Get into teams and start golfing!" Mr. Weaver's voice seemed to echo. This was one long fucker of a course, you see.

"How in the HELL does this fit in the god damn back of the fucking mental institute?!" Akiko screamed, taking a mini golf club from the rack. Akiko's team was apparently there, too.

"OMFG! HI NEJI!" Kendra came skipping towards him, glowing with joy. "Aren't you excited?!" She beamed.

"I...guess..." He sighed. This couldn't GET any worse...or could it? Of course it could!

That's when it started; what seemed to be the end of the world. Brittany Spears music started blasting out of unseen speakers. But it wasn't JUST Brittany Spears music, oh no, it was 'Hit Me Baby, One More Time' and, if possible, it sounded WORSE than usual. Dramatically, everyone turned their heads towards the stage behind them.

Mr. Weaver was rising out of the stage, clutching a microphone and wearing a Hannah Montana style blond wig. "Hit me baby, one more time!" He sang, as off key as you can get.

Neji fell to the ground, clutching his head. His ears stung and his eyes burned from the shine coming from the stage (Mr. Weaver's lip gloss). Then, his life began to flash before his eyes. This made him realize...Neji was a loser and a failure with really no purpose in life.

Through the visions, Neji could see the outline of Lee falling next to him, bleeding from the eyes, nose, mouth, ears, and probably his ass. "Neji!" He gasped. "Tell Gai Sensei...I love him..." He choked through the blood and passed out next to him.

Conveniently, Gai Sensei walked by and looked down at Lee casually. He bent down, dug around in his pocket, took his wallet, and left as if nothing had happened. Loving, no?

Just as suddenly as it had started, everything stopped. Slowly, carefully, Neji opened his eyes. The light seemed to be brighter than usually, but it could have just been his imagination. He looked up only to see Kendra standing in front of him.

He groaned. "Oh my god! I'm in hell!" He started to cry.

Kendra scowled and kicked him in the stomach. "Shut up and look at the stage..."

Neji stood up shakily and turned his head to the stage. Mr. Weaver was scowling out at the audience.

"Fine! Forget you people!" He ran off the stage, crying. So, to replace him, Claudio turned on a radio. Now, this wasn't just any radio station. This was KG95.3. This station played a variety of music. A typical hour listening to this station would be some sort of child-friendly rap song, some Katy Perry, a little Secondhand Serenade, one or two American Idol stars, and probably a little High School Musical.

"Fabulous, that is my simple request..." Neji sang along under his breath. He was on hole 8 or 9 (Marite`!!!!) and doing pretty well. He managed to keep his score down to only a little over 60...so far. It was hard for him, though...seeing as the golf club was taller than he was...

He heard screaming coming from across the field. When he looked up, he saw Akiko being held down by 3 or 4 people, all of which were trying to get her into a straight jacket. Apparently, Akiko had attempted to beat some kid with the golf club (There was a bloody mass next to her that looked remotely like a person) and was being carried away.

"Ha, one less competitor..." Neji said, unsympathetically. He continued on his long journey of golfing. It was mostly uneventful from there on...until hole 18, of course!

"Two inches to the hole..." Neji said, concentrating on the hole in front of him. He got ready to hit it in when, of course, the inevitable happened.

"Hi, Neji!" Kendra came skipping along. This of course made Neji hit the ball too far and right over the hole.

He scowled and looked back at Kendra. "What?!"

"I just wanna know your score!" She exclaimed innocently.

Neji smirked. "Actually, I have a 65. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

Kendra gasped. "OMG! I have a 69!" She smiled. "So close, right?"

Neji sighed. "Yeah. Whatever..." He began to concentrate again. He swung, but of course...

"Neji!" Kendra screamed. Neji hit it just over the hole again! Who would have thought?

Neji's eye twitched as he turned. "WHAT?!"

"Don't mess up..." She mumbled sheepishly.

Neji sighed. "Yeah, thanks..." Again, he tried to hit it--

"NEJI!!"

Neji gave up. He turned at hit Kendra in the head...repeatedly... Sadly, Claudio decided to look at him just at the moment he decided to hit her, so he came running.

"Neji! Stop that!" He took the golf club from him. "I'm disappointed in you! You're disqualified!"

Neji's mouth fell open. "No! I got a really good score! I could have won!" He stomped on the ground just like an angry teenage girl. This knocked the ball into the hole, giving Neji a 68...and just beating Kendra.

He stared blankly at the hole. Of course. He should have known. So, in a very dignified manor, he straightened up, held his chin up high and walked off to his room...with a piece of toilet paper hanging off of his shoe.


End file.
